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Sunday, August 7, 2011

Editing: Before and After.

c2011 (S)

This is another excerpt from 'The Shape-Shifters,' in the process of editing.

Before:



“If you don’t have any money,” said Nathan. “I can get you a motel room, put it on my card.”

Jean just slumped in the chair, not answering him right away. Defeat was visible in his posture.

“He’s staying with me,” said Janet firmly. “I’m not putting up with any arguments on that score.”

Nathan and Polly exchanged a quick glance, a small smile stealing over each one’s face.

“Well, this may not be the best time,” began Polly. “But Nathan and I have an announcement to make.”

“Really?” asked Janet, perhaps quicker on the uptake than Jean, who had been through so much tonight.

“Huh?” he said. “What? I’m sorry?”

But it sunk in, what they were trying to say.

Nathan stood up and Jean got up and shook hands with him.

A sudden wide grin transformed his features, if only momentarily.

“Really?” he asked, looking in approval from one to the other of them.

“We’re a couple now,” announced Polly.

Standing up, she was stunned to discover that Jean had stepped in close and was giving her an impulsive hug. She grinned beside his shoulder into Janet’s eyes.

“Well! Mister Gagnon.”

She said it in confusion, slightly nonplussed by the outpouring of emotion from the man. Janet stepped up and gave Polly a quick hug too.

After:

“If you don’t have any money,” said Nathan. “I can get you a motel room, and put it on my card.”

Jean slumped in the chair, not answering him right away. Defeat was visible in his posture.

“He’s staying with me,” said Janet. “I’m not putting up with any arguments on that score.”

Nathan and Polly exchanged a quick glance, a smile stealing over their faces.

“Well, this may not be the best time,” began Polly. “But Nathan and I have an announcement to make.”

“Really?” asked Janet, perhaps quicker on the uptake than Jean, who had been through so much tonight.

“Huh?” he said. “What? I’m sorry?”

What they were trying to say finally sank in.

Nathan stood. Jean got up and shook hands with him. A sudden wide grin transformed Jean's features.

“Really?” he asked, looking in approval from one to the other.

“We’re a couple now,” announced Polly.

As she rose, she was stunned when Jean stepped in close and gave her an impulsive hug. She grinned beside his shoulder into Janet’s eyes.

“Well! Mister Gagnon.”

Polly found the outpouring of emotion from Jean a little overwhelming. Janet stepped over and gave Polly a quick hug as well.

“I’m so happy for you guys,” she said.

***

Which is better? Hopefully the second example, right?

Basic copy editing.

c2011 (S)


This is an excerpt from 'The Shape-Shifters.'

Sergeant Cournoyer was dreaming in his warm bed, snug in the arms of Orpheus, when his wife slapped him upside of the head. He awoke groggily, in a half-drunken state. The prescription sleeping pills he used occasionally for insomnia often had this effect on him. Grace handed him the phone with a dark look, as a quick glance at the clock showed it was after twelve. Oh, God, just this once she had been trying to sleep instead of reading half the night.

“Yes? What?” he asked.

It took a minute to sink in. What the voice was telling him was right off the wall…but maybe not!

“What? Where?” he asked, a little more lucid now.

Then Sergeant Cournoyer slammed the phone down without ceremony and leapt out of bed. At this time of night, and since it wasn’t his shift, he whipped open the closet door and reached for a pair of jeans and a western shirt. Pure muscle memory took over.

His hands knew the routine.

“I have to go, Honey,” he said over his shoulder as he rammed his legs in one at a time.

Here's the edited version. Bear in mind this is my second time through the manuscript!

Sergeant Cournoyer lay dreaming in his warm bed, snug in the arms of Orpheus, when his wife slapped him upside of the head. He awoke in a half-drunken state. The prescription sleeping pills he used occasionally for insomnia often had this effect. Grace handed him the phone with a dark look. A quick glance at the clock showed it was after twelve. Oh, God, just this once she was trying to sleep instead of reading half the night.

“Yes? What?” he asked.

Still groggy, it took a minute to sink in. What the voice was telling him was right off the wall.

“What? Where?” he asked, a little more lucid now.

Sergeant Cournoyer slammed the phone down without ceremony and leapt out of bed. At this time of night, and since it wasn’t his shift, he whipped open the closet door, reaching for a pair of jeans and a western shirt. Muscle memory took over. His hands knew the routine.

"I have to go, Honey,” he said over his shoulder as he sat heavily on the edge of the bed and rammed his legs in.


Notes: I wrote this in the winter of 2008, (I think.) There are all kinds of little writing errors in it, which can be disturbing on the one hand, and kind of uplifting on the other. What it means is that I have learned a lot by studying blogs, websites, and the work of other, far more competent authors. I'm taking out semi-colons, looking at every dialogue tag, removing adverbs, tightening up word count, sentence structure, and keeping the words in their most logical and economical order.

Basic copy editing is far more than checking for spelling errors and typos, or using the grammar checker on the word processing program. I can remove words from a sentence, and grammar check has no problem with it. I can put words in, and grammar check has no problem with it. But which is best? Each sentence involves a series of value judgements. The basic premise is to make it easy to read, and make it a pleasure to read.

The third time I go through this book, I will still be changing things. But when we run out of things to fix, she's done and ready to go. Projected publishing date for 'The Shape-Shifters,' is on or about September 1. In the meantime, I have to get my ISBN, format, and finalize the marketing image. I've already written a pretty good blurb, although it could use some fine tuning. I will go through this book as many times as I need to.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

A Blurb: 'Shape-Shifters.' (Coming Soon.)



Preliminary cover design concept.

c2011 (S)

Widowed Janet Herbert has two small children to raise. Out of work and with unemployment benefits running low, she needs a knight in shining armour to sweep her off her feet and carry her away on a big white stallion. The stranger in town is very handsome—and so very, very French. But the more she learns, the more uncertain she becomes. Jean Gagnon has just done seven years for a crime he says he didn’t commit. Worse, everyone in town seems to think he has a half a million dollars buried somewhere out there in the rugged hills of the Ottawa Valley. When a shape-shifting coyote shows up to steal his money, his life and his girlfriend, Jean Gagnon’s survival skills are put to the supreme test. For Jean to prove his innocence and live in peace with his neighbours seems well-nigh impossible. You can’t always turn yourself into a stag and bolt into the forest when things get sticky. This paranormal urban fantasy is available in multiple formats from Smashwords and from Amazon US, UK and DE. Please rate, review, add tags, or just click on ‘like,’ for ‘Shape-Shifters.’ Thank you.

Notes: I would imagine this will be tweaked over the next month before release, but it doesn't look too bad so far.