Monday, May 14, 2012

What if UFOs are real?

While there is absolutely no material or physical evidence of life in or about other star systems, it’s always good to talk about UFO’s and the likelihood of life on another world. That way, we’ve all had a bit of a heads-up. Also, I get a big kick out of those who think an alien civilization will come down and “save us from ourselves.” Sure they will.

But what if they’re socialists?

Our much-prized private property rights might not be safe from taxation. The big corporations in their civilization might not have a whole lot of regard for the Monsantos of this world.

And what if they’re capitalists?

We may get negotiated right out of a place at our own dinner table. You know, like when you consult for the next five years with the disabled and then screw them out of a place at their own dinner some hasty, band-aid solution which coincidentally occurs just before election time.

Worse yet, they could be missionaries, coming to save our souls. Golly, that one just doesn’t bear thinking about. We’re not talking Christian or Muslim fundamentalists after all. We’re talking some kind of kooky alien fundamentalists.

If aliens exist, we are talking sapient beings and not just space-faring amoebas.

To build an inter-stellar or inter-galactic vehicle, i.e. a 'ship,' requires an incredible investment in time, money and effort. The motivation would have to be compelling.

(Are we that good-looking?)

Any alien species that finds it easy to cross time and space would be less of a threat.

We don’t have anything they can’t get cheaper someplace else. But what if they take us as pets? Give us to their children at Christmas, (or their cultural equivalent.) Then they tire of us and kick us out into the streets? We could end up as feral humans, living on some alien riverbank amongst the broken concrete, shopping carts and tall, weed-like organisms.

I can’t believe they came all that way just to cut up a cow—there’s an easier explanation for that, e.g. women’s cosmetics and anti-aging creams. Those cow udders are chock full of hormones and stem cells. I grant you that much.

In the next fifty or one hundred years, rich people will begin the colonization of space, beginning with the international space resort, then a nudist colony on Mars or possibly a sexual tourism hot-spot on a moon or two of Saturn.

The asteroids could be exploited for their minerals or Disney could maybe buy one and finally have a planet of their own.

If we were to meet an alien, the first question some of us would ask might be something like this:

“Do these slacks make my bum look too big?”

If a little green alien pointed a ray gun at me, and said, “Take me to your leader,” I would of course take he, she or it to Mr. Stephen Harper. Let him freakin’ deal with it. (Not my job.) They can speak to each other on their own exalted level, which the rest of us will obviously never be able to comprehend.

And what’s with all this sexual stuff? Apparently the little buggers aren’t exactly shy about poking sticks up the backsides of the inhabitants. They like doing the colorectal exams and the prostate exams and stuff like that. Are you really trying to take over the Earth? Why not just use the undoubtedly-superior weaponry on your ship? Too easy, huh? Just like a challenge, huh?

So I am unequivocally ambivalent about the whole alien thing. But I’ll try to keep an open mind.

And the search for intelligent life in the universe continues.


Photo: Wiki Commons.

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