Monday, January 28, 2013

The Malpractice Guys.

(Staff Writers.)

Mambutu got back to his own hut and hung up his things on the pegs by the door. He sat in front of the hearth, reaching for his bundle of scrap yarns, with every colour under the rainbow represented there.

Mwali’s string was on top of his work tray.

Selecting a blue yarn, he tied it first into a sheep-shank. That was for the Oedipus complex. Then he tied a bit of yellow string, very thin, next on the record for the inferiority complex. Then came a red leather thong, for the irrational fears. His patient had a lot of phobias, which Mambutu thought related to being over-indulged as a child.

This was indicated by the yellow and green bits tied on last week after a particularly tough dance and drums session. For some reason, Mwali wasn’t responding well to the disassociation therapy, nor to the dream guidance. He must keep trying, otherwise he would never successfully reintegrate into the village social structure after his unsuccessful bid to become deputy chief and the resulting puncture wounds which, taken on their own, were healing nicely.

As for the incipient anemia, famine stalked the village this season every year and it was nothing new medically. It was troubling that the incense and herbs weren’t doing much good. He resolved to keep him on that regimen for another month or so and then gradually wean him off of them.

Mwali had eaten enough magic clay to choke a horse, but that wasn’t working either.

He sat, lost in his thoughts. There was still the smoke-up-the-ass treatments, that and the hot-sulphur and molasses enemas.

He would keep that on hold for a while, as it was expensive and required a lot of prep time, especially in terms of magic and spell-casting for maximum efficacy. Mwali was a strong man. He should have been doing better than this, and he wondered if his own mental purity was the fault. What he needed was a little shot of strawberry extract, which was not only good for an ague, a fit or a quinsy, but humours of the brain.

It was also an excellent laxative and had some beneficial spiritual side effects. He tied on a thin black string and Mwali’s record was all up to date. It was important to keep accurate records in this business or the malpractice guys would be all over him.

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