Monday, September 14, 2015

On Coming Out as Yourself.

Mike Ambroise writing as Louis Shalako.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen. So you decided to come out as yourself.

And who can blame you?

You can’t change who you really are.

So anyways we’re going to interview this guy who recently came out as himself.

Ed.: So you used to be Louis Shalako. And now you’re some guy named Mike Ambroise. Why the moniker-change?

Mike: I don’t know. It was time to ditch certain irrational fears and take ownership of the work. Basically, I’m just a bum who can write, and who am I kidding otherwise?

Ed.: What were your primary concerns, i.e. what were you afraid of?

Mike: Oh, shit, the usual stuff. People laughing at me. Stalkers, psychotic slashers, stupid shit like that. People hurting me and stuff. People saying I should get a job.

Ed.: Okay. Stuff like you write too fast, stuff like you can’t be trusted to spell your own words and parse your own sentences, stuff like you can’t be trusted (not) to stick 18,000 words of erotic fantasy in the context of WW I historical fiction, stuff like that?

Mike: Yeah. Which I have probably done, actually, although much of it is lost in some kind of alcoholic haze.

Ed.: So you’re just in this for the money. You don’t give a shit about art.

Mike: That’s the sort of thing.

Ed.: It’s an actual question.

Mike: Oh. Sorry. Yeah. Of course I’m just in it for the money, but if you have no art in you, you’re probably just going to fuck it up and no one will like it anyway. Of course I love art, all kinds of art, the crazier the better. Who better to comment on the human condition than a bunch of fucking shit-heads with a dream, a stubborn streak and a lot of tolerant relatives? Let’s be honest, the real refugees don’t have the time. Can a computer write a novel? Probably.

Ed.: I’ll ask the questions around here.

Mike: Yeah, and that’s your fucking problem. You’re looking for answers when the journey is everything, man. Like, really.

Ed.: Do you love people or hate them?

Mike: I love them 99.99 % of the time. The rest of the time I’m in fear of my life.

Ed.: That’s a fairly high percentage of the time to be afraid for your life.

Mike: Yes, it is. This is my town and I know it very well.

Ed.: Tell us about identity.

Mike: No idea.

Ed.: Any other tips?

Mike: You want to remember things the right way.

Ed.: What do you mean?

Mike: It’s about quality of life. It’s about finding something important within yourself and living that irrational dream. Fuck the rest of the world. Take a look around you. No one has a better right than you.

Ed: You have very nice legs, by the way.

Mike: Thank you.

Ed.: Okay. So what sort of crazy riders would be on your contract, ‘cause we know people really want to read about that stuff.

Mike: Feed me. Generally speaking, it takes about 350 beers to write a novel, so that’s always a consideration. I do need a place to sleep and shit like that. I’ve been thinking of upsizing lately.

Ed.: Thank you for speaking with us.

Mike: Okay.


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