Wednesday, June 10, 2015

An Imaginary Interview with Louis Shalako, founder of Long Cool One Books.

Photo of Louis cooking a snake by KellyB, (Wiki.)




An Imaginary Interviewer




The following is an imaginary or virtual interview with Louis Shalako, alleged founder of Shalako Publishing, Long Cool One Books and Larga Fresca Uno Libros.*

Imaginary Interviewer: Louis, we can’t help but notice that you’re madly giving away a billion dollars’ worth of books, mostly ebooks.

Louis: Yes.

I.I.: So why you doin’ that?

Louis: It shows confidence in the work.

I.I.: So you’re buying readers.

Louis: We prefer to think of it as investing in ourselves.

I.I.: You’re investing a billion imaginary or virtual dollars into this company, or trio of imaginary companies.

Louis: That’s about the size of it.

I.I.: Holy crap, I’m already floundering. But it seems that you really understand this marketplace; better than most I’m thinking. You’ve found the combination that really cracks that algorithm…or something like that. I don’t pretend to understand it myself.

Louis: I think you’re doing very well. Nice semi-colon in there, incidentally. Not everyone has that superior intellect. But honestly, I’m no Steve Jobs. He’s dead, incidentally.

I.I.: Thank you. So you were in 7-11 this morning.

Louis: Ah. You’ve been spying on me. Yes, I told the lady, the trouble with 7-11 is all the weird old men who come in here.

I.I.: And what did she say?

Louis: We got a laugh out of her. But the guy standing next to me turned and asked, “Who you calling old, Mister?” Those moments are too few and far between in this existence.

< emptiness >

I.I.: Did you just use the Jedi Mind Trick on me?

Louis: Ah, yes. Sorry. It was only for a couple of minutes. I had to go to the bathroom.

I.I.: Louis, this is a $29-billion-dollar industry.

Louis: So.

I.I.: Some of our more conservative and therefore intelligent business sources think this might be a sneaky attempt to grab something like a good three or four percent of the available market share in this, ah, industry. Some of them guys can do the actual math and everything. Some of our sources are sure glad they don’t have your nerve in their tooth sort of thing…

Louis: I don’t think I like the tone of that question.

I.I.: I’m sorry. It will never happen again…shit!

Louis: Ha!

I.I.: That was the Mind Trick again, wasn’t it…???

Louis: Yup.

I.I.: Are you going to kill me…???

Louis: Not today. Maybe.

I.I.; One more question?

Louis: technically, two more, counting the last one.

I.I.: Do you sit around in your underwear a lot?

Louis: Ah, yes, — ed., but that’s not me, first of all, and second, we love the readers that much.

I.I.: Industry insiders are scoffing at you, Louis. There’s also a bit of white around the eyes as well. But, honestly, they don’t think you can do it.

Louis: Good.
I.I.: Seriously. By the way, what’s that smell?

Louis: Pepper snake.

I.I.: Did you just say ‘pepper snake…’ … ???

< TRANSCRIPT ENDS ABRUPTLY >

*but actually Louis was created in a test tube by me, the Evil Dr. Emile Schmitt-Rottluff.**

**which makes me the founder—obviously. – ed.***

***and it really does show confidence in the work.****

****I’ll say one thing, Louis sure knows how to cook snake. Mmn. –ed.



Friday, June 5, 2015

Cycling With An Upper Back Injury

Carlemere, (Wiki.)










Louis Shalako





I’ve been having some problems in between my shoulder blades. There’s a nagging spot in the neck, and some pain in the right shoulder. Tonight it’s the left shoulder…

In some instances, it’s so bad that it leads to chest-encircling pain that is intense, enough so that years ago, I got checked out for heart problems.

As I write this, there is some pain in the left shoulder, right up against the vertebral column. If I could see back there, there’s probably some swelling right about there. I have been riding a bit lately, going out for an hour or more after supper, for several days in a row. Call it about ten or twelve k, as I’m really not going that fast.

I’m just some old guy grinding along.

The sports doctors talk about triggers.

***

It seems that psychological stress is one of the triggers. That’s because under stress, the shoulders and upper back muscles tend to tense up, and I already have a pre-existing injury. 

That kind of stress is also present in my environment.

With three compression fractures, the one at T-6 is the one involved here. (The others are L-3 and L-4.)


T-6 is in the thoracic vertebra, and there is a 2.5 cm hemangioma growing on the left side of the posterior-lateral process. I don’t know if that one is related to the original injury or not, but it’s definitely there.

Stress leads to inflammation, inflammation leads to pressure on the nerve, pressure on the nerve leads to pain.

There are tell-tales and warning signs, which are better not to ignore. I don’t think riding is the actual problem, although it can certainly irritate it. Riding the bike tends also to strengthen the muscles of the neck, upper back, shoulders, arms, etc. Early in the season, our wrists, elbows, shoulders, neck can tire quickly. In winter I do some walking, but virtually nothing in terms of upper body exercises.

In summer, I walk, cycle and swim, but early in the season it’s obviously not quite so much fun. The body just plain deteriorates over a long winter, sitting in a chair, clicking away with the right hand exclusively on the mouse. There is the question of how much pain we are willing to put ourselves through, early in the season, for some perceived gain later in the season, also our general fitness for next winter will benefit…right?

One of the things I do is just to slow down. Sit up, and ride with no hands, which unloads the neck and that crimp in the back the sports doctors talk about. I’m not out to beat the Russians. 

I stop and have a smoke, stand around and drink from my water bottle once in a while.

OpenStax College, (Wiki.)
So far this year, I have not been in the water, and we are sort of looking forward to that—the first few times will redefine the notion of pain, as the water tends to be chill at the best of times and the season is short enough around here.

The thing there is to take it easy. An injury that isn’t allowed to heal is just going to spoil the whole season, not just for biking but swimming as well. I injured my right knee back in 2012, about mid-July, and that one took a whole year before I could really use it with total confidence. If you’re getting little twinges out of it, just going up a couple of flights of steps on a cold winter day, that’s a tell-tale.

The author is 56 years old, 197 cm, about 85 or 90 kilos, not particularly athletic, and has prior injuries. My bike has a 2.5” oversized frame, and worth every penny it was, too.

Your own circumstances and state of health might be different. Be careful out there and enjoy it as best you can.


END




Saturday, May 30, 2015

The Most Beautiful Trolls: On Reviews.

Johh Bauer, 1915.





Louis Shalako

'Look at them, troll mother said. Look at my sons! You won't find more beautiful trolls on this side of the moon.' > John Bauer.



Sample Reviews for Heaven Is Too Far Away.

A great and epic read.

An awesome, epic read. I wasn't so sure if it was a work of fiction because What I felt so real. What a ride.... enjoyed every page. Great book. > Barry Burch.

One of the best books I’ve ever read.

First of all, let me restate the title of this review: This is by far one of the best books I've ever read. The story is great, the technical aspects of it (flying, gunnery, etc) can be held up next to the many WWI flying memoirs I've read, and I haven't loved a literary character this much since Bernard Cornwell introduced me to Richard Sharpe (there are a lot of similarities between the two).

The writing style is that of a memoir, written in the first person from the point of view of what I imagine is a much older WIll Tucker reflecting back on his days in the RFC. The writing is so well done I could almost picture listening to Tucker telling his old flying stories. The plot and his irreverent commentary are seamlessly entwined together and the result is an absolute joy to read and immensely quotable. As for the plot, I thought it seemed a little far fetched at first (assassinating the Red Baron?) but Shalako made it work and well.

All-in-all, any enthusiast of the Great War and WWI aviation in particular should give this book a read. You won't be disappointed and for the price, what have you got to lose? I'm already reading it a second time and it's just as good. > M.J. Thomas

***

as long as you don't read it as factual this is an entertaining read with the first half being more entertaining than the later chapters which drag somewhat. > Lee Whitfort.

I agree with your comments regarding the use of the modern idiom and the shaky style. Somewhat entertaining but could probably profit from the use of a competent proof reader. > John Cameron.

Okay, here are some sample reviews for The Handbag’s Tale.

A purse is found next to a dead man in an alley. He had been at a party with drugs, gambling, sex, and alcohol. There a many suspects - but which one? This very short (31 pages) book follows two police detectives as they piece together the facts. A lot of story in a little book with a surprise ending. > Quanita’s Reviews.

***

A murder is committed in a Paris alley. This is just the latest of eleven reported over the previous three weeks. This time the victim is a well known and universally liked banker with one fatal shot between the eyes. This tale is presumably set during the dawning years of the twentieth century. Forensic science is in its infancy and large city crimes are solved by interrogation and luck. As lead detective Gilles Maintenon interviews an avalanche of humanity, slowly a picture comes into focus. Like a French Sherlock Holmes, he shifts through the witness statements, picking out bits and determining the facts from fiction. The brevity of the story and the search for a red haired woman (I’ve always been partial to redheads) keep me ponderously reading on. This story would have probably rated higher by me if more attention was given to details. It reads like a summery and doesn’t add anything to really grab the reader’s attention. Like a play, the narrative is divided erroneously (as each section has multiple settings) into three scenes. I will use a quote from the book that nicely sums up this author and his works: “Prior history is the best indicator of future behavior.” I must say that the redhead was eventually found so let me end this review on a positive note (with another quote from the book): “No honest effort is ever wasted.” > Thom Swennes

Here are a whole slew of Goodreadsreviews and ratings with no additional comments.

In the case of Heaven Is Too Far Away, the reviews seem to contradict each other. When I read the first review, my initial impression was of a troll review, using a bit of reverse psychology as it seems very unlikely that a first book by an unknown author could really be ‘one of the best books I’ve ever read.’ That, I think, is the benefit of multiple reviews. The truth probably lies somewhere in between two extremes.

In the case of The Handbag’s Tale, the first two reviews I ever got in my life, were lovely, four-star reviews by people who clearly enjoyed the book. They seemed knowledgeable, and appreciated the fact that there was some experimental aspect to the story.

Then, one day I opened up Goodreads or Amazon, I forget which, and saw a whole slew of one-star reviews, where it appeared the reader had purposefully set out to slam an author they knew nothing about, made sure to point out they hadn’t actually read the book, etc. (In other words, trolls. – ed.)

I can honestly say that my blood ran cold. My body tingled all over, it sort of flashes over you in that adrenalin-rush. The fight-or-flight instincts are fully aroused in that moment.

As authors, we all know the facts. The best thing to do with troll reviews is to ignore them. And of course, that’s very hard to do.

The worst thing is the sense of psychological rape, that sense of absolute powerlessness.

We know there’s nothing we can do about it.

The real fear of course, is that the same people will keep coming back, and make a real science of hounding you, and slamming your books. We all hope to be successful, and we all hope to make money. We see this as having a real impact on other potential readers. The real trolls want to scare you away. They want you to be paranoid or something. The funny thing is, after a few years, they’ve moved onto someone else. I still get readers. I had three novels and one novella out at that time. It really does feel like the end of the world. Hell, fourteen novels later, I’m still not sure if I can really write or not. It’s not like some of us have massive sales numbers to back up any claims or simply to give us confidence.

Five years ago, I had no reviews at all. Not a one.

Perhaps that is the difference.

Now we have dozens, maybe even scores of reviews. We still get less-than-glowing reviews. Every so often, a troll stops in and pisses on our gate. Every so often, someone takes the time out of their busy day to give us an honest opinion of the book.

The simple fact is that 99.9 % of readers never review a book in their lives. Those that do often confuse it with a book report from elementary school. The best reviews excerpt memorable passages from a book. In the case of criticisms, the reviewers really ought to give an example, but again, they’re not professional readers. They’re just people giving a quick thirty seconds out of their day for whatever reason. Without amateur reviews, I probably still wouldn’t have any reviews at all.

We may never get a professional magazine review in our lives, and that's probably the case with the majority of independent authors writing today.

We learn quite a bit about books and reading and readers when we get reviews. It’s important to listen to them, and to try and understand from their perspective what we did right or wrong, without letting it cripple or embitter us.

It goes with the territory, and it is best to remain philosophical. We will basically manage our own attitudes and perceptions, and let them manage theirs.

It's their dime, after all. As far as this writer is concerned, the trolls are beautiful people.


END

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