Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Excerpt: Architect of His Own Destruction. Chapter One. Louis Shalako.
















Louis Shalako


Maintenon was thinking that a vacation was a rare and precious thing. It was also a lucky thing, coming just when it did. Paris had gone mad for the Olympics.

Why then, did he dread it so? The worst moment came when he locked the front door at street level and picked up their suitcases, as the taxi-man bustled about, putting things in the boot. He was grinding his jaws already, but the mood somehow lightened. Just the act of getting in the car and finally moving made things better. He didn’t want to make it any worse for Ann. That was part of it. Just getting away was the big psychological hurdle. It was a little like going over the top, thought Gilles. He must be artificially cheerful, a feeling he had known from before, and dreaded.

Fix bayonets. Off you go, lads.

It’s one thing to go—it’s quite another to send the wife.

And then would come the pistol shot, and everything turned into a daze of mud and blood and fire and hell.

Ann’s face was always in the periphery of his vision. All he had to do was to look over and feel the guilt.

Her illness was no respecter of persons. It didn’t care who you were, or where you came from.

You were fucking dead, sooner rather than later, and that was it for you.

It didn’t care if you had been good, or bad, or indifferent.

It was completely arbitrary, and mean, and it could take anybody.

Anyone at all, and in that sense it was an allegory for all of life—and all of death. It was a metaphor for all of human existence, past, present and future.

The other thing was his stomach, something he had been paying more attention to lately. A good cup of railroad coffee—anything but a contradiction in terms, for it was one of the few things they did well, and a heavy slab of dense, sweet chocolate cake had been a big help.

The train ride was almost interesting. It was the most time they had had together in years. All of those hours with nothing to do but stare out the window. Difficult under the present circumstances to appreciate, France was a lovely place, with a rich landscape and a varied history going back through the millennia. Ann seemed to enjoy it and that was the main thing, with Gilles holding her close and trying very hard not to see it through her eyes.

Any words exchanged were a bonus and a torment. He knew they would not be her last, or their last, and yet each one was precious, never to be repeated. Such intensity. He didn’t know how he could stand it. And of course, there was that patient look on her face, and the times when he wondered what kind of a look might be on his face.

***

Waking up in a strange bed was refreshing, in that it was new and unfamiliar. Luckily, the water in the bathroom was quite hot. That, at least, was different. For many years, Maman had heated water on the top of a massive old range, and given the kids a tub-bath once a week on Saturday nights. What awful fights they’d had, when the time rolled around for the boys to get a hair-cut.

The memories were there, almost a relief from the present. All he needed was a gentle prodding to get the thoughts flowing.

It was their first full day in what had once been his village. They hadn’t even left the house yet. On some level, Gilles was looking forward to showing Ann around, perhaps meeting some old friend. They would be reliving a bit of history, boyhood memories, in that bittersweet manner that sensible folks had once they hit old age. It would be a kind of pleasure, he supposed.

Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as he was making out. Or, it could be worse…there were plenty of things that could be worse than what they had right now.

“Gilles. Gilles.” His sister Henrietta appeared in the archway of her small salon.

The smell of food, and dogs and cats and Pierre’s pipe tobacco never left the room. He remembered it from last time, and some things never would change. The smells from the kitchen were already making their presence felt, with bread baking in the oven.

She had her sleeves rolled up and there were traces of flour on her apron. He was struck by the redness of her hands. No one in this family had ever been afraid of a little work. They always said he had the brains in the family, mostly because he had escaped. The break from established routine was the worst, unwelcome and yet probably very necessary—once in a while.

He looked up, being immersed in a game of backgammon with his fourteen year-old nephew, Raymond. It was unique in his experience, and therefore valuable.

He and Ann were staying with Henrietta and Pierre’s family for a week, and then they were going on to the seaside and a week with Louise, another sister; and her family. On the way back to Paris, they would have a chance to visit with Ann’s folks. He was almost looking forward to that, but then he didn’t know them quite so well and they were much less demanding in terms of entertaining their guests. It was also only for one day. 

There was only so much of an itinerary that they could squeeze in. Her folks had always treated him very well. Perhaps they had seen something that he himself had missed. It was only later, as a mature man, when he had wondered why. Here was some brave young man, and he was interested in their daughter…let’s give the fellow plenty of rope.  Perhaps he will hang himself.

He blinked at Henrietta, struck by how old she had gotten.

The baby of the family, Gilles was always welcome in the homes of his siblings. When the inevitable vacation rolled around, he and the wife were at a loose end moneywise and unable to refuse the offers of hospitality that poured in. With Ann’s condition, there were only so many options. Staying home didn’t seem right, somehow.

“Yes?”

“It’s the telephone.”

Gilles bit back a smile at her tone of wonder. Quite isolated, Bagneres de Luchon, the village of his birth, was near the border with Spain in the high Pyrenees. Change came slowly this far from the real world, but come it inevitably must.

They weren’t all that well off, although his brother in-law made a good living as the local postmaster. They would never be rich, and they would never be poor. Perhaps that would suffice.

“The telephone?” Raymond looked up from the board.

His bug-like antennae began quivering, instincts aroused. Gilles was his favourite, and Raymond saved any newspaper clippings about his uncle that he could get his hands on, although the local papers only reported the most sensational national cases.

Gilles put his hands on the arms of the chair and heaved himself up.

He hadn’t been in town in years and he wondered who in the hell would be calling him here? His wife Ann, thin, pale and consumptive, looked up. She was just as beautiful as ever, perhaps more so now that he had seen her courage, her resolve. She smiled reassuringly. She had been looking through a picture book with nine year-old Denise, dark and a little too pugnacious, in Gilles’s estimation, but the kid couldn’t help herself. 

Ha! It was the family tree. Those roots went very deep. Ann’s knitting bag was on the couch beside her, a habitual pass-time and an escape from boredom and ennui. At least she had something, thought Gilles. I have nothing when it comes to hobbies. Did he really love his work that much?

Not exactly. He saw it as a necessary evil. That really says something about me, he thought.

“Very well, then.” Like many an old-fashioned home, the phone was on the back wall of the kitchen, being not quite fit for polite society.

The house was just as he remembered it. It was quite spooky how Henrietta had redecorated, and everything was all new, except her taste was so very strongly influenced by their dear departed Maman. All pink, floral and stripes and swirls. Why couldn’t women leave well enough alone.

Had no one ever heard of painting a wall white and then just leaving it?

***

“Gilles.”

“Yes?” His mind raced.

The voice was the wrong age for anyone he knew around here. Four years ago, or at the time of his last real vacation, it had been Jacqueline Roux. That one had been a little hard to explain to Ann.

You probably don’t remember me, but…

The voice, male, was too strong, too definite. This was not some tentative inquiry from thirty years in the past.

It didn’t ring any bells. Reality snapped back with a bang.

“Gilles. We need you back here.”

“What? Who?”

Who in the hell are you?

“I’m sorry, Gilles. We need you back here. On the double. We have a case.”

“What? A case?” Damn this bad line.

The crackle on there was something else, and Gilles had the impression from a quick intake of breath, that there were others on the line. Ah, yes. The old party line.

“A case?”

“Yes, Gilles. A case.”

His mind hit on that voice.

“Inspector Mathieu…?” Nicholas Mathieu, his immediate superior.

Merde.

“Yes, who the hell did you think it was?” Matheiu had his orders and getting through to the man had been a bit of a chore with the antique phone system in that part of the world.

Think quick.

“I’m sorry, sir. Bad line. I can hardly hear you.”

There was a quick pause.

“Ah…if you don’t mind my asking, sir. I am on vacation.”

“Yes, and we’re dreadfully sorry about all that.”

“Ah…” There was no saying no.

Gilles bit back his rising irritation.

Ann was ill. She hadn’t been out of Paris in years. She hadn’t seen her parents in a year and a half. She had tuberculosis. His wife was dying, and dying very slowly…they both knew it and so should the damned department.

“Sir.”

“Look Gilles, you’re being asked-for in all the right places.”

A detective sergeant in the Surete, Gilles had written his exam. It took time to assess the results from all of those candidates. No one would know the results for quite some time, and they didn’t always accept all of the qualified people. There were only so many Inspector jobs going around.

“Okay, ah. What’s this all about, Inspector Mathieu?”

The line was very clear all of a sudden, or had it just gone completely? But Gilles, staring out the back door into a bright sunny day, with that incomparable mountainside a hundred and fifty metres away and the dark boughs of conifers hanging low between here and there, caught a long sigh from the other end.

The Inspector said a bad word.

Maintenon’s eyebrows rose, and he waited.

“Go on.”

“It’s complicated, Gilles! You might even say you are going to hate it. It’s a cold case, Gilles—and a man’s life is at stake. Maybe even a very important man. I don’t really know myself. This one’s out of my hands. They’re not telling me anything very much. It’s hard to say.”

“Um, yes. Sir. So. What exactly do you want me to do about it?” It came out in a rush, perhaps not the best sort of diplomacy with a senior officer. “Ann is ill. She deserves better than this.”

He ground his jaws, eyes going narrow, and his breath very tight in his throat. The big lump in there might have something to do with it. He swallowed, hard, panting through the nostrils like a bull in the arena after a couple of good pricks with the bandarillas.

My sympathies always lie with the bull…

“I’m sorry, Gilles. But we can certainly make it up to you, ah, later.” Mathieu was apologetic, knowing full well what he was asking.

Gilles could turn him down, and probably should. Mathieu understood the career implications, and everything there was to know about pressure tactics, but otherwise he was pulling for Gilles’ promotion.

“Very well.” Gilles’s jaw moved back and forth and he fought any urge to express resentment or reluctance. 

“Sir.”

It had better be bloody well important.

“Have you ever heard of the novelist Aldrich Tobias?”

Oh, merde.

“Ah, yes, sir. I have.”

Aldritch Tobias had won numerous awards, but never the big one, le Concordat de Literaire, according to press accounts. He was also awaiting the guillotine. His date of execution, as Gilles remembered, couldn’t be all that far off. He’d killed a bunch of women and girls, and had been duly caught, convicted in a court of law, vilified on the front pages of the newspapers, and ultimately sentenced to death. A real crazy one, with lots of ritual aspects to the case. Not directly involved, he’d followed it as best he could with his usual interest in all things homicide.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” That one was like a punch in the guts.

“I’m sorry, Gilles. But we really do need you to look into this. Just so we can sign off on the man with a clear conscience, n’est pas?”

“Oh, God. But why, ah…Nicolas?”

“Ours is not to reason why, Gilles. Ours is but to do.”

Or die.

Sullen stubbornness came over Gilles. He was looking at the sublime blaze of hot sun on that incomparable mountainside, after all.

I was looking forward to this…or so he told himself.

This was my home, once upon a time…

“At least let me have one damned day with my family. Sir.”

His raised voice could be heard in the salon, and Henrietta was right there in the kitchen door, wringing her hands and trying to interpret what was happening from his side of the conversation.

“Very well, Gilles. The odds are there’s not much in it, and he’s a guilty man. The trouble is that the President himself is interested in his case. Who knows, Gilles. Maybe we can find some extenuating circumstances. Maybe he really was mad, you know? Maybe you can help the man out, Gilles. He gets life on Devil’s Island, or locked up in the crazy-house somewhere. The president’s conscience is satisfied. His fans have cause to mourn, and agitate, and demonstrate, riot in the streets, and he can write more books. Right? Or whatever. But it sure would be a big favour if you could do it.”

Detective Sergeant Maintenon.

Inspector Maintenon.

The choice is all mine, and it really ought to be harder than this.

“Very well, sir.” Gilles’ heart sank as soon as the words came out of his mouth. “Ah, yes. Of course.”

“Thank you, Gilles.”

Argh.

He had to break the news to Ann, and his sister…Pierre was off at work. Raymond and the girls would be bitterly disappointed, or was he merely kidding himself?

Merde.

The Inspector was still talking.

Somebody had been doing their research. The Inspector had it all mapped out.

Inspector Mathieu told him exactly when they could expect him home. If he and Ann hustled, they might be back by tomorrow, at midnight.

Maintenon really didn’t think they could do it, but the morning after that was barely possible.

Hanging up, he glanced at his watch.

Damn them.

God damn them all to hell.

Merde.



End of Excerpt.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

1,001 Rejection Slips, Old Memories Die Hard.






Louis Shalako

In one corner of my bedroom are seven boxes of model aircraft parts, tools, spares and hardware.

There are propellers and wheels, batteries, chargers, transmitters, receivers, electronic speed controls, catalogues, glue, sandpaper…you name it, and it’s probably in one of them boxes.

My dad died years ago. Flying model aircraft was something special that we shared. We flew control line planes when we were very young, He taught us how to do that, having built rubber-band models when he was a kid. He got into radio control when he was in his late fifties or early sixties. It was just something he had always wanted to do, and I guess he knew he wasn’t getting any younger.

I have no regrets about spending time with my dad. However, it’s hard to open the boxes, because it brings up a lot of sadness. My closet had a few other boxes in there, and so that’s where I began.

In three years, I have never driven a nail or hung a picture. It’s an apartment, which is not exactly the same thing as having a home. For whatever reason, maybe it’s time to lighten ship.

I threw out a couple of small shopping bags, several empty boxes, and two full, big green garbage bags. 

There was probably a hundred pounds of stuff there. This was mostly old college artwork, drawings, maps, plans for weird inventions, and photos going back to the Brownie camera my old man let me use when I was six years old…I suppose there was some sadness in those boxes as well. Fifty-something years of memories, mementos, trophies of a kind. There were faded pictures of one or two love interests in those boxes as well.

I put it in the big blue dumpster in the back parking lot.

***

My old man had a lot of model aircraft plans, many of which he designed and drafted himself. He was a very good draftsman, although he never actually worked as one. All of it is in the dumpster.
In one of them boxes I found a file folder.

Lo! And behold, ladies and gentlemen. A hundred and twenty-something rejection slips. All of them on paper. Remember? We used to put them in envelopes, on paper, and stick them in mailboxes.

Like a real hobbyist, I had saved the envelopes, probably for the colourful and exciting stamps. While I didn’t submit to every Canadian publisher, there is a good, representative selection in that file. Yep. Harper-Collins, Turnstone, Mosaic, Gaspereau, pretty much everyone you ever heard of, and some you have not. I submitted to every publisher whose guidelines did not indicate agented submissions were a requirement. I had multiple rejection slips from most or all of the agents as well.

***

I keep a document file. It’s called, oddly enough, ‘List of Subs.’ I keep track of submissions, and rejections, otherwise I’m very likely to submit the same story twice, to the same place, and you might not want to do that. It might not be very welcome. They might think you’re a dummy and that you can’t take a frickin’ hint.

When that document locked up on me—I’m still using this 13 year-old Pentium II computer; I deleted it. 

This was a mistake, because while I could not update it, I could still have checked to see what story had been submitted where, and when.

I guess that wasn’t very smart.

What I did was to publish virtually every story I had in the inventory. Then I didn’t have to worry. I published them on my blogs, I published them in collections and in stand-alone ebook novellas, short stories, etc.

Then I wrote a bunch of new stories and began submitting them around. I hope to write more short stories in November, possibly sooner if I get my next mystery novel done by the end of September, mid-October at the latest. That would be my 14th novel.

My new rejection (Oops! Sorry!) list, of course I mean my submissions list, has over a hundred and eighty items on it. The first list was up to 703 items when it locked up. And I’ve gotten a couple of dozen, maybe thirty stories published, not all for pay, and none in pro or semi-pro markets. The biggest story I ever sold was for 140 Euros, that was to Ennea, (‘9’), the Greek Saturday comic supplement to an Athens daily.

Without subscribing to Duotrope, (I’m very poor) I’m limited to the Ralan.com market list, and so that whole pro/semi-pro thing has tended to dominate my thinking. I guess that really does fall into the ‘quest for validation’ category, a thought-process that might need to be reexamined.

Either way you look at it, I am so darned close to my 1,000th rejection slip that it really isn’t all that funny, although I can guarantee that your friends will laugh if you tell them something like that.

“I told you what you gotta do, Louis!” (Roars with merriment.)

“And what’s that?” (Mystified.)

“You got to compromise your integrity.”

(That’s a good one. – ed.)

Anyway, John Creasy got 765 rejection slips before he got published, and quite frankly one or two of my books are better than one or two of his books…in my humble opinion.

Other than that, my closet is now much emptier, and sooner or later, I really have to go through all of those old model airplane boxes. If I can bring myself to throw much of it away, although some of it might be worth keeping.

Most of that stuff belongs in the big blue dumpster in the back parking lot, and one day surely I will get around to it.

It’s not wise to have too much baggage.

I don’t quite know where I’m going next.

Hopefully somewhere.


END


Thursday, August 14, 2014

God, the Soul and the Afterlife the Greatest Hoax.

The Creation of Adam, Michelangelo Buonarroti


Louis Shalako




The idea of God, the soul and an afterlife are the greatest hoaxes ever perpetrated.

Most who read this will be shocked.

How arrogant. How mean and miserable of Louis Shalako! To deny his fellow humans and their afflictions the comforting notion that a sincere prayer can be efficacious, or of any real help at all.

There are no atheists in a foxhole, but there may be a few hypocrites. If you don’t believe in God, then surely a quick prayer can’t hurt anything—is that the attitude?

How much of the fabric of our society would unravel if there really was no God?

Think about it—if we can. For surely we have been very carefully trained not to think, not to inquire, but simply take it on faith—usually based on someone else’s word for it. We have been trained from birth to think in these terms, and that’s why it is seen as ‘natural.’

It is anything but natural, ladies and gentlemen. It is a legal and moral fiction.

In the beginning, it was seen as an essential part of the Big Picture, when reality is composed of lots and lots of little pictures, not all of which can be observed at once and with perfect clarity.

Without God, there is no Society, many will bellow through bullhorns from right in front of our home. The louder they shout, the more true it must be.

If there is no God, and there never was any God, then how did all of this ‘creation’ come about?

What if it wasn’t created? What if it simply is…?

Since each of us will probably only live a hundred years, most likely less, does it even matter what happened six thousand or six billion years ago?

***

Surely you must ask, if there is no God, how did constitutional government come about?

How did any sort of ethical society come about? If there is no God, there is no real justification for all of this, the human and natural rights which we all take for granted. Surely we must all now massacre each other, for without God, what meaning does our human existence actually have?

Or did society come about in a kind of recognition that all of us are entitled to something better than naked savagery?

Do you not see the inherent Nihilism, the underlying basis of all supernatural beliefs? It is a lack of confidence in ourselves, that is the root of all ‘evil.’ When the Bible tells you that all men are born unclean, and evil, and that this must be purged out of them by the fire and the sword, baptism and submission, this is a lie, ladies and gentlemen. It’s a lie that has been around for a very long time.

I am not saying all human beings are born perfect, for there is no perfection, only life, death and renewal. 

This is not a miracle, it is the result of perfectly understandable forces and processes.

I am saying the laws we live by do not come from God. They come from other men, they come from science and nature itself. They come from reason and not fanaticism.

Surely you have a question.

Even if Louis does not accept my religion, how come he doesn’t agree, like many of us do, that other people’s belief systems are somehow evidence, whether it is the elephant headed boy-god of India or the river-gods of ancient times? Because I hold a mistaken belief, and my neighbour holds a similar but different mistaken belief, does that not somehow lend credence to mistaken beliefs elsewhere?

Ten thousand philosophers have attempted to define the nature of God. They are all mistaken.

It is not a case of, “We may have it wrong, possibly mucked up some of the details, but surely somewhere in the world, someone has the genuine revelation...”

There is no revelation.

This is the revelation.

God is not a requirement to make the physical universe go around.

There is no spiritual universe, and so we do not need to account for any of its alleged phenomena.

***

What makes me laugh is when people try to relate the physical nature of our bodies with the intangible nature of our minds.

How come you can’t take it on faith? It does work, after all.

This ancient puzzle is probably what led to all initial speculations of a metaphysical nature (religion) to begin with. As a writer of speculative fiction, I really got to hand it to the ancient Greeks: some of those guys could really write.

They really had the most marvelous imaginations, and over time they really were standing on the shoulders of those who went before. Their greatest contributions to western culture were all factual. Things like geometry, and trigonometry, and science, and the freedom of inquiry. No one today takes the ancient Greek religion seriously.

***

I’ll give you a clue as to your own consciousness: it has a physical location. It’s up on the top of your body, right in behind your eyes, your nose, it’s actually a little higher than your mouth, isn’t it? It’s right in between the ears. You know right where your mind is. Where else could it be? And isn’t this what people mean when they say the soul will travel on? Surely that soul must have consciousness, or what frickin’ good is it?

Hopefully I’m not the first guy in history to explain that one…

Consciousness is a process rather than any one thing, and that, in my humble opinion, is where all the ancients went wrong. They were off in la-la land, looking for a spirit, they were looking for magic, a God that doesn’t exist, rather than inside of the physical body, looking for a biochemical outcome.

Consciousness is the biochemical result of large-scale information processing and the necessarily ensuing generalizations. This does not necessarily hold true for an electromechanical information processing system. It is uniquely animal in nature. Animals are mobile, and predatory in nature. They are opportunistic. A machine intelligence would exist in a totally different environment, which leads to the question of evolutionary psychology, which is the study of the character, beliefs, actions and make-up of rational human beings over eons of species-development.

What we think is a part of life, and living, and it would be absolutely remarkable if we could recreate intelligent life in a lab with current technology.

And yet in the not too distant future, by attaching neurons to the brain of a mouse or rat, we can take a conscious animal and give it greater intelligence. We can create a higher form of life, using the building blocks of nature.

That’s why all religion, however useful it may have been in the past, as a form of community, as a form of social self-regulation, aristocratic high-jacking notwithstanding; is obsolete. Our religion is as obsolete for modern conditions as the religion of ancient Greece was to the very next generation, i.e. the Romans. They came, they saw, they laughed, and they conquered. They took much of it over and made religion serve the needs of the state, ladies and gentlemen.

To perpetuate that original error, from which all subsequent errors are derived, for millennia to come, is only to compound our problems and their ultimate solution. It is to ignore the evidence of our own senses, our own minds, and surely this is the true hallmark of madness.

Should you get rid of all your religion?

No, I think you should keep it. I think you should bear it in mind in the daily actions of your life, for surely no man can escape his upbringing. And your mother and father meant well for you, I say that in all sincerity. 

They were doing their best and they simply didn’t know any better way.

But now we do, ladies and gentlemen. Now we do.

***

It seems to me that if a person can believe in God and exhibit nothing in the way of Christian values, then the opposite must also hold true.

It is possible to have what are essentially Christian, or universal* values, without actually believing in God.

You could simply apply those values in practical terms, without requiring supernatural validation of your own thoughts and actions. You might even thank your parents for that.

It’s a question of taking responsibility and not pointing the finger at somebody else, and passing the buck somewhere else.

It is a personal challenge, but one well worth accepting. And if you should try and fail, you could always ask your fellow human beings for forgiveness.

They talk enough about it, don’t they?

Let them show, not tell. They say that a lot too, don’t they.

***

Anyhow, I thank you all for listening, ladies and gentlemen.


END


*To hear them tell it.