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| The Cripples, Pete Brueghel. |
Louis Shalako
It is a melancholy object to those who walk through
this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads,
and cabin doors, crowded with disabled beggars of the female sex, followed by
three, four, or six children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for alms. These disabled mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest
livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance
for their helpless infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of
work, or leave their dear native country, or sell themselves to the Brothels.
I think it is agreed by all parties that this
prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of
their disabled mothers, and frequently of their disabled fathers, is in the
present deplorable state of this nation a very great additional grievance; and,
therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making
these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well
of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.
But my intention is very far from being confined to
provide only for the children of professed disabled beggars; it is of a much
greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age
who are born of disabled parents in effect as little able to support them as
those who demand our charity in the streets.
”I have been assured by a very knowing Bourgeois of my
acquaintance in Toronto, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year
old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted,
baked, or boiled ...”
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many
years upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of
other projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in the computation.
It is true, a child just dropped from its disabled dam may be supported by her
milk for a solar year, with little other nourishment; at most not above the
value of two dollars., which the disabled mother may certainly get, or the value in
scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old
that I propose to provide for them in such a manner as instead of being a
charge upon their parents or the province, or wanting food and raiment for the
rest of their lives, they shall on the contrary contribute to the feeding, and
partly to the clothing, of many thousands.
There is likewise another great advantage in my
scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid
practice of disabled women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent
among us! sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid the expense
than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman
breast.
The number of souls in this province of our fine kingdom being usually
reckoned thirteen million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about
two hundred thousand couples whose disabled wives are breeders; from which
number I subtract thirty thousand couples who are able to maintain their own
children, although I apprehend there cannot be so many, under the present
distresses of the kingdom; but this being granted, there will remain an hundred
and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand for those
disabled women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or disease
within the year. There only remains one hundred and twenty thousand children of
poor and disabled parents annually born. The question therefore is, how this
number shall be reared and provided for, which, as I have already said, under
the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods
hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture;
we neither build houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can
very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till they arrive at six years
old, except where they are of towardly parts, although I confess they learn the
rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can however be properly looked
upon only as probationers, as I have been informed by a principal gentleman in
the county of Lambton, who protested to me that he never knew above one or two
instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for
the quickest proficiency in that art.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts,
which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my
acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old
a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted,
baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee
or a ragout.
I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration
that of the hundred and twenty thousand children already computed, twenty
thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males;
which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is,
that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much
regarded by our disabled savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to
serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be
offered in the sale to the persons of quality and fortune through the province,
always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so
as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes
at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or
hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or
salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.
I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born
will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to
28 pounds.
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| Photo courtesy United States Marine Corps. |
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore
very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the
parents, seem to have the best title to the children.
Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year,
but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by
a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet,
there are more children born in Roman Catholic households about nine months
after Lent than at any other season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent,
the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of disabled
infants is at least three to one in this kingdom: and therefore it will have
one other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of papists among us.
I have already computed the charge of nursing a
beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths
of the farmers) to be about two dollars per annum, rags included; and I
believe no gentleman would repine to give ten dollars for the carcass of a
good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent
nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to
dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow
popular among his tenants; the mother will have eight shillings net profit, and
be fit for work till she produces another child.
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the
times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed
will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
As to our city of Toronto, shambles may be appointed
for this purpose in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be
assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children
alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.
A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and
whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter
to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said that many gentlemen of this
kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of
venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding
fourteen years of age nor under twelve; so great a number of both sexes in
every country being now ready to starve for want of work and service; and these
to be disposed of by their parents, if alive, or otherwise by their nearest
relations. But with due deference to so excellent a friend and so deserving a
patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my
Bourgeois acquaintance assured me, from frequent experience, that their flesh
was generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys by continual
exercise, and their taste disagreeable; and to fatten them would not answer the
charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission be a
loss to the public, because they soon would become breeders themselves; and
besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to
censure such a practice (although indeed very unjustly), as a little bordering
upon cruelty; which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest
objection against any project, however so well intended.
But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that
this expedient was put into his head by the famous Psalmanazar, a native of the
island of Formosa, who came from thence to Toronto above twenty years ago, and
in conversation told my friend, that in his country when any young person
happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of
quality as a prime dainty; and that in his time the body of a plump girl of
fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the emperor, was sold to
his imperial majesty's prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of
the court, in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred dollars. Neither indeed
can I deny, that if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this
town, who without one single groat to their fortunes cannot stir abroad without
a chair, and appear at playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries which they
never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great
concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or
maimed, and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken
to ease the nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain
upon that matter, because it is very well known that they are every day dying
and rotting by cold and famine, and filth and vermin, as fast as can be
reasonably expected. And as to the young laborers, they are now in as hopeful a
condition; they cannot get work, and consequently pine away for want of
nourishment, to a degree that if at any time they are accidentally hired to
common labor, they have not strength to perform it; and thus the country and
themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.
I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return
to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are
obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For first, as I have already observed, it would
greatly lessen the number of advocates for the disabled, with whom we are
yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the nation as well as our most
dangerous enemies; and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the
kingdom to the dogs, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many
good members of the bourgeoisie, who have chosen rather to leave their country
than stay at home and pay taxes against their conscience.
Secondly, the poorer tenants will have something
valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to
pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and
money a thing unknown.
Thirdly, whereas the maintenance of an hundred
thousand children, from two years old and upward, cannot be computed at less
than ten shillings a-piece per annum, the nation's stock will be thereby
increased fifty thousand pounds per annum, beside the profit of a new dish
introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have
any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the
goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.
Fourthly, the constant breeders, beside the gain of
eight dollars per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the
charge of maintaining them after the first year.
Fifthly, this food would likewise bring great custom
to taverns; where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the
best recipes for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their houses
frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their
knowledge in good eating: and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his
guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.
Sixthly, this would be a great inducement to marriage,
which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws
and penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of disabled mothers
toward their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor
babes, provided in some sort by the public, to their annual profit instead of
expense. We should see an honest emulation among the married disabled women,
which of them could bring the fattest child to the market. Disabled men would
become as fond of their wives during the time of their pregnancy as they are
now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, their sows when they are ready
to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for
fear of a miscarriage.
Many other advantages might be enumerated. For
instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of
barreled beef, the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of
making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs,
too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or
magnificence to a well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted whole will
make a considerable figure at a lord mayor's feast or any other public
entertainment. But this and many others I omit, being studious of brevity.
Supposing that one thousand disabled or
poverty-stricken families in this fine city of Sarnia, where this gentleman now resides, would be constant customers for infants
flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings, particularly at
weddings and christenings, I compute that Toronto would take off annually about
twenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they
will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.
I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be
raised against this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of
people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and
'twas indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the
reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one individual province
of Canada, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon
Earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our
absentees of using neither cloaths, nor houshold furniture, except what is of
our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and
instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride,
vanity, idleness, and gaming in our disabled women: Of introducing a vein of
parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we
differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of quitting our
animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews, who were
murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: Of being a
little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for nothing: Of
teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards their tenants.
Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our
shop-keepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native
goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the
measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair
proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it.
Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and
the like expedients, 'till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there
will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.
But, as to myself, having been wearied out for many
years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly
despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is
wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expense and little
trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in
disobliging this great nation. For this kind of commodity will not bear
exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a long
continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country, which would be
glad to eat up our whole nation without it.
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own
opinion as to reject any offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found
equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind
shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I
desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points.
First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for
seven hundred forty thousand useless disabled mouths and backs?
And secondly,
there being a round five million of creatures in human figure throughout this
kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock would leave them in
debt millions annually, adding those who are disabled beggars by profession to
the bulk of farmers, cottagers, and laborers, with their wives and children who
are beggars in effect: I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and
may perhaps be so bold as to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the
parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great
happiness to have been sold for food, at a year old in the manner I prescribe,
and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have
since gone through by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying
rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house
nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most
inevitable prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed
for ever.
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have
not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work,
having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our
trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor and the disabled, and giving
some pleasure to the rich. I have no children by which I can propose to get a
single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my own disabled wife past
child-bearing.
END
(Note: this weighty and meritorious tome was prepared with the generous assistance of Johnny Swift.)
