Saturday, March 10, 2012

'Gosport.' Excerpt, 'Heaven Is Too Far Away.'



Fleet Finch, used in the Second World War in Canada for training student pilots. Photo and model by Louis.

Gosport.


“O.K., Robert. What are we flying today?” I asked the slender, red-haired lad beside me.

He was about five-eight, and very shy. Surrey farmer’s boy. A bookworm, and quiet.

“An Avro 504, sir?” he stammered.

“It seems like such an obvious question, doesn’t it?” I asked.

“Well, it’s a one-hundred-ten-horsepower Le Rhone,” he said. “The mechanics filled up the tank.”

“Are you sure it’s not the 130-horsepower Clerget? Or the Monosoupape?”

He hesitated, shuddering slightly.

“Which one?” I asked the boy.

This kid was, God, maybe seventeen and a half years old and he seemed intimidated by me. Robert was a bright kid, very intelligent. Keen. Raring to go, and that was the trouble sometimes. They thought aircraft flew on mere dash and courage.

“What’s next?” I asked. “Did you check the oil?”

“I’ll check the oil, sir,” he stammered again, hanging his head a little.

“Yeah, you check everything. Don’t ever trust a fucking mechanic.”

I noted a couple of sidelong glances from the vicinity of the hangar door.

“They did a good job, sir,” protested Robert.

He’s got spunk. That’s fine, but I just don’t care.

“It’s your ass up there, boy, not theirs. They’ll be sleeping in a bed tonight.”

The unspoken question, of course is where will YOU sleep? Six feet under?

Or Will Tucker, your grumpy old instructor. Grumpy old Tucker, a cripple at nineteen years of age. I went through that thought but immediately trashed it; as instructed by a certain doctor in London.

“Just wad it up old boy, and toss it in the rubbish, don’t you know. Haw! Haw!”

God, I hate psychiatrists. They have their uses. Who else would rent them big, ugly old houses? You must be nuts.

“Are you absolutely satisfied that this aircraft is whole, and complete, and properly prepared, Robert?” I asked.

“Yes, sir,” he said.

“Good. Let’s climb aboard.”

After flying a couple of real pigs, for example the RE-2; the Avro was quite a delight to fly. I could never understand why some guys just couldn’t get the hang of it.

I told Robert everything I was about to do, bellowing at him through the tube as I rolled the plane inverted and we hung in our straps.

“I’m holding a little down-stick on it, Robert, and I’m watching our altitude as best I can,” I yelled, and watched his head bobbing in the front cockpit.

“Watch the compass!”

My ears, swathed in the helmet as it were, caught the high-pitched notes of some garbled reply. My right foot shoved forward, the tail crabbed.

Push with my left foot, the tail crabbed the other way.

I rolled the plane back into a straight and level path.

“You have the plane,” I called, and felt the controls wiggle in acknowledgement as he took over.

“Bring her around, about fifteen degrees to the right,” I instructed.

Turbulence wobbled the wings, and he overcorrected, but they always do the first few times up. He settled on a course of 270 degrees, which was more or less what I intended.

“Oh, Robert, me boy, now it’s your turn,” I bellowed at the student ahead.

With a sickening lurch, he started into his roll.

“Use the rudder to turn it and the ailerons to hold it level,” I yelled.

Out over the sea, towards France…soon enough, soon enough.

“Good, good,” I lied. “Now watch your compass and hold this altitude.”

Robert practiced inverted flying for a while, turning on occasion.

He was doing better, and thank God for that. Half the problem with some students was that they were afraid of the instructors. So eager to please, hanging on every word, and worried about looking like a coward or a fool. And I really didn’t know much about instructing, either. If you’re tense with some kind of social fear, you can’t relax, feel the plane. They treat it like it’s made of glass, or some such nonsense.

“You’re doing fine, Robert,” and then he carried out the next part of the drill, which after an inverted figure eight, meant rolling back straight and level.

“Course looks good, Robert. Do a loop now please,” I called.

Fly, Robert, fly. Fly your fucking brains out. You’re going to need all the hours in the air you can get. I know where you’re going. As we went over the top everything looked good. He was learning. Painful and slow sometimes, a sudden revelation at others. Some students picked up the theory in an instant. Watch them stagger all over the sky. Theory is good. So is a fine touch and an awareness of the limitations of the machine. Numbers on a page mean nothing. You have to feel it. If you have to think it through, you are not properly trained.

A plane is like a horse. You have to get to know it a little bit.

The more knowledge and experience they had, the better chance they had of survival, and I honestly didn’t give a damn if the kid ever shot down an enemy aircraft. Teaching them to shoot was some other silly bugger’s job.

“I have the airplane, Robert,” I yelled.

Gripping the stick, I gave it a little shake.

“Watch this and analyze what I’m doing,” as I pulled her up into a rudder turn, then rotated left over the top and went plummeting downward.

Kick in right rudder and pull back on the stick.

“Entering a spin is easy and getting out is just as easy.”

The world came spinning crazily up towards us.

“How is that, young fellow?” I laughed, reversing the spin and going the other way.

“I love it!” he yelled back.

“Oh, really?” I shouted. “Watch this one!”

I bunted her over and we went inverted, spinning back to the left again.

“Check our altitude, Robert.”

You have a job to do too, boy. I pulled out and waited.

“Two thousand, sir,” and I carefully listened to his voice.

He wasn’t afraid, that’s fine. The trouble is the young ones tended to be too trusting.

They have too much respect for their elders. Checking the clock and the compass, with control turned over to the student, we set a course for home.

“Take it upside down. I want to check the map,” I instructed.

I was always throwing curves at my boys. So did the enemy; and that was the point.

As we hung there, I took a quick glance at the map. We were climbing a bit, but then he eased off and we were at about 2,200 feet.

“Stay inverted. Ease off the throttle,” I told him.

The plane shook ever so slightly, and then the altimeter began to creep down.

“Hold her..hold her…that’s good. Throttle up,” I ordered.

He rolled out suddenly without instruction.

“That’s fine, Robert. Not a problem, I’ll take her now.”

He was tired, and the concentration tends to lag. I only push them so hard and then give them a rest. His hands were probably shaking from all the excitement.

“Just relax and watch me fly,” I yelled.

He’ll be fine. Another month and he’ll be ready for the Front. My new job had its moments of deep satisfaction, and moments of dread. These were not usually for myself, but for somebody else.

I wondered how he might do. Faintly, I could feel his hands and feet following the controls around. He seemed a little more relaxed, and that’s good. Now it’s time for my fun. As I gently and ever so slowly put the plane into an axial roll, I watched the bubble and it stayed pretty well in the center.

That’s the way she’s done, boys.

“As I roll to the right, I ease in left rudder. Then you have to pull it out at just the right time. When I’m upside down, it needs a little down-stick,” and showing him as the plane smoothly transitioned. “As we come up, we put in right rudder.”

“The trick is to do it smoothly and just enough,” I added superfluously.

Anybody can just yank the stick over and snap it around. How smooth, how slow can it be done? Can you make it look easy? Make it look pretty?

“Imagine your feet are on bicycle pedals, and you want to make one rotation,” I bellowed, exaggerating my foot movements for effect. “Now you try it again.”

Was it all a waste of breath? He wasn’t any better, he wasn’t any worse. And now he had some new way to think about it.

“All it takes is practice. Lots and lots of practice, although it is basically a useless maneuver,” I explained.

Trying to explain things at a bellow is both frustrating and very tiring.

I knew what I was looking for.

“Where’s that confounded bridge?” I grunted.

I read somewhere that the exploits of the Gosport school were ‘legendary.’ Flying through hangars, landing on roofs or on roads in front of pubs. Flying under bridges. And I’m talking Westminster Bridge, not just the little streams in the neighbourhood. We were just having fun, a whole bunch of irrepressible personalities. My reserve, my shyness, probably benefited from being around the other instructors and ground personnel. Given responsibility, and a little authority, gave me new confidence in an unexpected way. Maybe, ‘Higher Command,’ knew what they were doing when they selected instructors. Doubt that though; more likely the luck of the draw.

I was simply available. Someone must have put in a good word for me.

But some young buck destined for the fighter squadrons…they give you their trust and you’d better not abuse it. You’re playing with some kid’s life. We have to temper it with skill. In order to trust the planes, they had to know what made them tick. In order to trust themselves and each other, they had to be made aware of just what they were capable of as pilots.

“Watch this, me lad,” and I did a thousand-foot side-slip and brought her down to the river.

Skimming along, the weeping willows on the left barked back our engine noise, which sounded raspier and closer to us. The river curved to the left. We followed it, then I eased her level, entering a low right turn above a weir. A fisherman puffed furiously on his pipe, ducking and glaring as we flew over, barely twenty-five feet above.

Robert’s head was moving around in front as he laughed; peering about at the view. A heron, frozen in time as he attempted to scurry his way into flight, at an open place where the fields came right down to the water. A mill, more trees. One more turn.

There she is, the prettiest little bridge you’ve ever seen. Robert appeared to be a little tense. His head sank down until it was barely visible. I was grinning from ear to ear.

Life is a joke. Bob was just lowering his head for maximum visibility.

Life is a huge joke. Then you die. I’m determined to enjoy it if I can.

Otherwise, what’s the fucking point?

There was a crescendo of noise building up to a ‘brapp!’ of the air as we went under.

“That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”

Robert didn’t reply. Hope we haven’t lost him. I’ve never had a student just get out and walk away after a flight, but I know someone who has. It happens. Off the record, I blame the instructor, who tried some hare-brained stunt and bit off a little more than he could chew.

Eyes-bigger-than-his-stomach syndrome.

“That was great,” he called back a little weakly.

“You’re riding with the best,” I assured Robert.

Inspire confidence. That’s part of the job.

And I have to be confident in myself to do that. At least that’s one part of the theory.

“Take us home, Robert.”

He could handle the plane at a thousand feet. I wouldn’t let him do it otherwise. How does the student feel about it? He seems to be doing fairly well. Let him fly the thing.

“How many other planes did we see today?” I barked suddenly.

“Nine, sir,” he yelled back with no hesitation.

Nine?

I must have missed one. That’s pretty good.

“Are you sure, boy?” as he steadied up and began to make an approach.

(We always say, ‘an’ approach, and never, ‘the’ approach!)

“Yes, sir,” he called.

He was a lying little bugger, but I decided to let him get away with one, this time.

You have to convince them they’re smarter than someone else.

“You have the plane. Land it,” I ordered.

“Yes, sir.”

When you switch off, the ringing in your ears stays with you. The wind beating on the back of your neck is exhausting. The buffeting of the slipstream on your head just made the neck ache sometimes. I was suffering from a bit of a headache.

“That’s all for today, Bob,” I gave him a slap on the back. “Good job. Thanks for the flight.”

“Thank you, sir.”

He looked tired and strained, but a very happy young man.

My job was not entirely without its perks.

“Off you go then.”

Was there someone else, or is this my last flight of the day? There was one figure walking toward the hangars, but there was no one else lined up and ready to go. Time for a nice cup of tea. My knee was a little wobbly, but it was early days yet. That much was clear, I thought as I walked away. Every so often lurching, when my foot came down a little too hard.

My flying was fine. Walking hurt. It just plain hurt.

http://itunes.apple.com/ca/book/heaven-is-too-far-away/id412091967?mt=11

http://www.amazon.com/Heaven-Too-Far-Away-ebook/dp/B00440DSTM


Notes. This was my first novel, and I went overboard at 183,000 words. There are one or two things I would do differently if I was to write this book at this point in my development as a writer. I can take or leave the first person narrative. But it was worth doing it as a memoir, because to write another dry and dusty history book was and remains beyond my ability or interest. This one took about two and a half years to write, and was extensively researched. Presently I am much more sophisticated in terms of dialogue tags and semi--colons, that sort of thing, the basic nuts-and-bolts writing skills that a lot of people probably do take for granted. But some of us learn by doing, and I have no real regrets with this book. The greatest lesson it taught me was perseverance--and the fact that I could actually complete a book, write a good story, and have a lot of fun doing it.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Quality Control in Self-Publishing E-Books

Quality control in publishing is extremely important, and there are some nightmarish aspects to it. It really doesn't matter whether it's a print on demand paperback, an e-book or a small print run at a custom printer. Anything involving quality control at this end of the spectrum can be scaled up for a bigger operation. Otherwise the information would hardly be valid.

Yesterday, I decided to publish 'Selected Poems' on Amazon, which is a Kindle version. Their preferred file upload is an html file.

What I did was to get the original file, which is a .doc file for uploading onto the Smashwords platform. Then I changed the front matter, which is only polite to both Amazon and Smashwords, and uploaded the file as a saved html version. There is a process where you fill out all the information for the book, and of course quality control is important--typos are kind of 'verboten,' and that's fine.

After uploading the file, I first checked the book in the preview feature, and things didn't look good. Then I clicked on the 'download file' button and brought a Kindle version (so far unpublished) onto my desktop. Clicking on that, which opens up in a Kindle 'Whispersync' sort of interface, I found that every poem seemed to be set in about three to five spaces from the left-hand margin, and there were no spaces between the end of one poem and the next title, and then no space between the title and the text of the poem.

There are plenty of irritants available to the average writer in the course of a busy day, and this was one of them days! So the thing was parked in 'draft' mode for a while.

Then of course I thought of the versions, all frickin' eight or nine of them available on Smashwords...

We all know the obvious thing to do, right?

Right. I went to Smashwords, and unpublished the thing as a precaution. It's Read An E-Book Week, March 4-12 on Smashwords. The thing is marked for free, and a couple of people have been kind enough to download a book. A few people have sampled the book.

Much to my surprise, the thing looks fine in all formats, bearing in mind once 'unpublished' I can't check out the online viewing options. However, the Kindle version looks very good in my Mobipocket Reader, which I also keep on the desktop. It is a free download, and it has its limitations.

So, either the html upload simply failed on Amazon, in which case I should try again, or it is barely possible that I accidentally uploaded the .doc file, which doesn't seem very likely as I made the html file right on the spot for that sole purpose. That would tend to explain the wonky formatting though.

On the bright side, I guess I have learned quite a bit--for example, the Palm and LRF versions can be read on Mobipocket as well, although they have a strange 'AE' thingy with some curves that look distincly foreign. This is probably an idiosyncracy of Mobipocket Reader, which is only meant to simulate certain devices. It doesn't replace them. I check every page, and for good reason. Mistakes kind of hurt the ego.

The irritation has gone away, and so has the sort of self-flagellation that goes with really pooching it badly...which apparently I didn't do. This is why I always download the Epub and Kindle versions as soon as I publish anything on Smashwords.

As to what exactly the problem is on Amazon, that one falls under the 'trouble-shooting' category.

Having unpublished the book on Smashwords, the product requires re-submission even though it's the same file, and it sets it back in the Premium Distribution Catalog process, but I would rather be sure about it and not have to worry.

Other than the fact it is not published on Amazon, no serious harm has been done and it was probably a valuable exercise.

Just for the record, Smashwords' Meatgrinder and Auto-Vetter do not catch all errors in formatting, and neither do the human reviewers on virtually any platform, although I'm sure most of them are very good, 'statistically speaking.'

In other notes, I have ordered a proof copy of 'Redemption: an Inspector Gilles Maintenon mystery' from Createspace and expect it to arrive about March 22. Only after proofing it does Createspace allow the book to be marketed. I will be using the two free distribution channels. You can get three more for about $25.00 but it's not vital at this point in time. The reader's circumstances may be different.

That book is a 6 x 9 paperback, 216 pages, and retailing for $8.99 plus S & H. This same product is marked at $10.99 on Lulu, due to the terms of service and various other factors including their pricing policies.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Plot: the last ten percent is the hardest.

I've just reached the point in writing my eighth novel, 'On the Nature of the Gods,' where it starts to get really hard.

The last ten percent is the hardest in terms of logic and persuasion. It is vital to weave together the threads of the narrative, and take all the characters that were developed separately in early chapters and bring them together in a climactic solution to the problems set them by the narrative. All of these people have been brought to this point, at this particular place and time, under this particular set of circumstances. No matter how ribald and absurd, it must have sufficent logic to satisfy the reader. They have to be able to follow along.

This is where control comes in, and how we end up with a wedding or something.

Oh, yeah, baby. This is defintely the climax of the book!

I slow right down. I daydream a lot. And yet at the same time, my mental gatekeeping is a lot better than it was two or three years ago. I don't write anything I don't have to. While the attitude may be different if an author was shooting for a 100,000 word manuscript, what I am doing now, is finishing the plot.

I want to get to the end of the plot.

I'm shooting for 60,000 words, which is all it takes to call it a 'novel.'

If someone asked you for an estimate for 32,000 square feet of drywall board, would you offer them an estimate for 45,000 square feet and a microwave oven? If someone wanted a 2,500 square-foot roof done, would you ask your crew to put a few shingles on the house next door while they were at it?

("Not I," said the cat.)

What I need to do is to hit the end of my plot at about 60,000 words. At this point, 59,990 would be okay too, as the next step is re-writing, and that's when a lot of detail will be added in. This novel has no need to go over 70,000 words.

This is a comedy. It's not 'War and Peace.'

This is where we earn the big bucks, because from this point on, is where most manuscripts fail. This is where most beginning authors fail--they get 90 % of a book done. Then they start to worry about what other people think if they don't get it exactly right. This is why the wedding is so important--the book wouldn't get done otherwise.

Somehow we have to get the people to the wedding, and the only way we can do it is to write them there...getting people to where they must be on time is like planning a wedding, or anything else involving time, motion, and space, from multiple points of view.

That's why I don't want to write too much. It makes my job a lot simpler. My head only has so much capacity.

It's not nececesary to write about a wedding with three hundred guests. Too much happened, there are too many stories and too many perspectives. This particular story, 'On the Nature of the Gods,' has maybe twenty characters, and I only introduce a crowd, 'people walking down a street,' or 'people at a wedding,' if I really need it.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Excerpt: 'On the Nature of the Gods,' a steampunk weird western.








The following is a scene from what is clearly a very silly book indeed.


After a confab with the equine members of the party, the two men and Hope went back into the hotel. There were a few bleary-eyed patrons in the wide expanse of barroom, but the piano player was slumped across the keys in an alcohol-induced comatose condition. The bartender was nowhere to be seen and Hope wondered if he was asleep on the floor behind the bar. Either that or out in the privy abusing himself, she thought. Gripping the handrail tightly as they made their way up the narrow stairs, she longed for sleep, the last refuge of the truly unhappy.

Her room was first on the right, and she pointedly slammed the door upon entry.

She flung her clothes off, not caring where they landed, and slumped into her lumpy bed, a straw tick of about two and half inches thick, very itchy as all the ones out here were stuffed with bad hay and pinon nuts.

While there was still the distant rumble of talk from below, for the most part silence reigned, and she was just so grateful, no matter how bad the bed. It lasted all of thirty seconds.

A drumming came from the ceiling above. A few seconds later, it came again. After all they had been through! Her first wonder was if someone was trying to get her attention, perhaps in some kind of emergency. Maybe they had fallen and couldn’t get up or something like that.

There was another drumming, a thudding of something hard, and resonant, but of course the floor was just planks. She knew the sounding board of a piano was spruce, right? It made sense.

She knew she would never sleep with all that ruckus going on.

Grinding her teeth, for they had been days passing the Unpainted Desert, a raw, untamed wilderness of gypsum and silica sand, and that damned racket came again. It was all white, hence the name.

“Oh, God, am I tired,” she said aloud in sheer resentment.

Hopefully the idiot could take a hint.

She made a similar observation, only louder this time.

Was it a reporter? Or was it some pimply-faced wannabe pulp fiction author, pounding away at his tripe-writer? Poor fellow! She had some empathy for all of the losers in the galaxy, but she had been averaging three and half hours of sleep per night for about the last ten days or so. The thought that a genetically-modified hammerhead diamondback rattler would sneak under the blankets and then try to crawl up into her puss-puss had kept her tossing and turning all night.

Hopefully, they were a little more scarce here in town, rinky-dink as it was. For some reason it just creeped her out.

Thuds, thuds, thuds…more thuds.

Hope reached under her pillow, and pulled out a 7.63 millimetre German-made Mauser pistol, a long and awkward thing, but deadly enough at close range, and shouted up at the ceiling. She had a spare clip or two under there as well. It was the Turkish export version, given to her as a gift by a love-crazed firearms aficionado. She’d had it anodized a pretty royal blue at a little shop in Greenwich Village. The guy lived at home with his mother and after a while the thing clearly wasn’t going anywhere…

“Let a lady get some sleep down here,” she called in the most commanding voice that a shy, half-naked young mere slip of a woman lying in a bed could generate.

Like the pitter-patter of mules getting at ‘er on a hot tin roof, the danged pounding and stomping came again, with the soft moonlight through the windows illuminating her high cheekbones and wide, sensitive mouth. But her eyes were hard and her lips set tight and firm, like concrete.

Hope emptied the magazine, spraying it back and forth, up and down, carefully peppering the ceiling surface above her with little round black holes. Quickly changing clips, she completed the cross-wise sweep. A cloud of pale smoke hung in the air, her ears rang with the concussion, and a thin haze of dust fell slowly down from above. The thuds and jumps seemed different now, more uneven…something crashed into the far wall up there, and then hit the floor with a resounding thud.

Her door smashed open, hitting the wall with a hurried crash and Rufe stood there with a wild look in his eyes.

“No! No, Hope, no!”

“What?” she asked. “I’m tired Rufe, not now, okay?”

“That’s Michael Flatus up there,” he hissed, tip-toeing up to her bedside and gently prying the gleaming blue weapon from her reluctant hand, although it was empty now anyway.

“Who? What?” she gasped.

“Yes!” he assured her. “Michael Flatus, the Broadway star, and a headliner in Danse of the Mucky Old Creeks.”

“That one was off Broadway, so far off Broadway you could say it was in the Bowery,” she noted doubtfully.

“I don’t care if it was Staten Island! He’s frickin’ famous,” Rufe stuttered.

It was quiet up there now. Blood dripped out of some holes over by the corner of the room.

Jaw hanging, eyeballs bulging, Rufe turned and stared at the ever-widening pool of blood in the corner.

“Now, if you don’t mind, sir, I would like to get some sleep,” said Hope, and with firm resolve, she turned over on her side, pulled the blankets up under her chin and closed her eyes.

“But…but…” he stammered.

“They’ll never hang a good-looking woman, Rufe,” she said without opening her eyes.

He thought about it for a moment. This was the woman he loved, and would, forever-more.

There was the sound of cautious footsteps, and then her door closed. She popped her eyes open, craned her neck, and made sure Rufe had really left the room. She leaned over, and checked under the bed. Then a very tired Hope Ng put her head down for good that night. She was snoring in ladylike fashion all of three minutes later, with visions of dumping magazine after magazine of 7.63 ball ammunition into carnival shooting galleries chock-full of sugar-plum fairies dancing in her head. She’d never actually fired the thing before. It was a really nice gun, when you got right down to it, even in that daze-like state between wakefulness and downright dreaming.

'On the Nature of the Gods' is available on iTunes in the iBookstore.

Monday, February 27, 2012

POD Cover and notes.



Above: A simple book cover using stock CreateSpace options.


So far, I have the interior file pretty much ready to go, but there are still questions and issues regarding this project.

First of all, the best I can do so far is to have page numbers centred at the bottom of each page. I would have preferred right and left, mirrored.

Secondly, because the headers and footers appear to be linked in Microsoft Word, I only have the title at the top of each page, rather than the title on one page and the author name on the other. That doesn't look too professional. When I try fix that, one set of page numbers disappears, either odd or even.

Third, this is going to cost me $25.00 for each title I upload, and after fifteen years on disability, living at about 2/3 of the poverty line, (or $7,000 under, whichever is more clear to the reader,) I don't know how fast I can go on this.

That being said, I might be able to do one a month.

I haven't calculated the retail price of the product yet, but if I set it to earn $2.00 clear profit per sale, I have to sell thirteen books to cover the cost.

Finally, if CreateSpace is anything like the parent company Amazon, they have 'thresholds' authors have to meet before they will cut a cheque, and as a Canadian, it is virtually impossible to open a U.S. bank account without going to the U.S. and doing it in person. And, since I don't have a birth certificate, nor a passport, this brings up other costs, including time spent and administrative delays on the part of the government. It's $25.00 for the birth certificate and $80.00 for the passport. Also, getting a birth certificate involves a 'garantor.' Just who in the hell is going to do that for me is a bit of a mystery at this point, as you can't use relatives and they are asking for 'persons of standing' in the community, i.e. a member of parliament, a judge, a cop, whatever--just the sort of people I hate to ask for anything. The reader's experience may vary.

So I don't know what to think about that, but I'm obviously not going to do this if there is no chance in hell of ever making any money at it--and for reasons unknown Amazon and probably CreateSpace don't deal with PayPal. The threshold for EFT on Amazon is $10.00 accrued in one month, and it's $100.00 for a paper cheque to be issued.

That sounds simple enough, but what is implied there is not. If I'm not mistaken, as I often am, 90 % of the authors on Amazon will never meet that $100.00 threshold, but then U.S. authors can just use their local bank and get Electronic Funds Transfers. If I'm the first guy to figure that one out we'll call it a 'scoop' but I'll bet the company knows that very well. What's really interesting is that they don't use the in-house AmazonPay either. I could speculate as to why this should be so, but I won't. Not yet. It might have something to do with the razor-thin margins and the fact that they are trying to take over the world...right? That's hard to do on a budget. The way I see it, if they take over the world, fine, do a good job of it--and make sure I get my piece of the action.

Tens of thousands of authors around the world will probably never figure that one out, but I like to ask a 'bleep' of a lot of questions, and I guess we'll just leave it at that.